I can justify in my own mind why it is ok to do something that may not be ok or for my benefit. For example, I had a situation where I was sober for almost a year and I was planning to get married. The marriage was called off by this man and fell apart before it even happened. I in turn went and used, then slept with someone I had no business sleeping with. I could justify this behavior with the fact my soon-to-be marriage fell apart. I could use this situation to justify my own actions by saying in my own mind "well he did this or that" or "if he hadn't broken the marriage off I would not have done what I did". Allowing myself the excuse of not looking at my own behavior. The truth was and is although yes the marriage fell apart and it did hurt, I still had a choice and a responsibility to my own actions. The choices someone else makes do not determine my own choices or my own response to the situation. My responsibility is to myself and to my own actions. I cannot control anyone else's decisions only that of my own. At the end of the day, I have to live with myself and my own decisions, just as much as the other person has to live with their own. I'm not suggesting that things do not hurt or won't hurt but I learn how to get through them without further damaging my self-esteem, self-worth, or my recovery process.